


Rewrite the Stars

by Esperata



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Separations, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-01
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-20 13:17:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17623082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Esperata/pseuds/Esperata
Summary: The crew have reached mission's end and there's some things still left to be said.





	Rewrite the Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Published in Spiced Peaches LV

The point had finally come where they had to address the issue they had both been dancing around for weeks. Or years if they were being truthful. But now there was no time left for prevaricating and Leonard stood in Spock’s quarters preparing to take the metaphorical plunge.

“Look,” he began. “Cards on the table time… I don’t want you to go.”

Spock merely stared at him, not giving any indication that this confession affected him at all and McCoy sighed.

Jim had already tried to convince Spock to stay in Starfleet. If he couldn’t do it, did McCoy really think he stood any chance?

He surveyed those dark inscrutable eyes – so familiar after years of both arguing and working together – and he saw his own anxiety reflecting back at him. Were they ready for this? Yet there was no more time left if they were going to make the move. It was now or never and damn but he was going to try.

“We’ve been through more together than I can name,” he continued with determination. “Good and bad, I’ve never doubted you’d have my back. Truth is, I can’t imagine my life without you in it. And I don’t want to find out what it’d be like.

“You say that you have to return to Vulcan but I’m not buying it. You’re running scared. And I think I know why.” He took a deep breath. “Its ‘cause you’ve realised your feelings for me are the same as mine for you.”

“Doctor.” Spock tone was a touch too derisive to be genuine. “You of all people should know Vulcans are not subject to human emotions.”

“I of all people know you’re only _half_ Vulcan Spock,” he countered. “If you’ll just admit to havin’ a human half-”

“I admit to having a human half,” Spock interrupted. “I can scarcely _deny_ being half human. Do you think it was an easy choice joining Starfleet? By Vulcan standards I have done nothing _but_ indulge my human half.”

“So you deny you want me too? I know you feel it Spock. You and me… we just click.”

“I have no wish to hurt you.” Spock spoke softly, seeing the desperate plea in his eyes. “But you do not understand what you ask. Yes, here within Starfleet we could be together. But I would never be accepted as a true Vulcan. I would always be something other, something… less.”

“Not to me. If you were mine… I’d love you for _you._ ”

McCoy reached out a trembling hand and instinctively Spock caught it, held secure between his own.

“It is a beautiful dream Leonard.” He let go of the hand. “Yet that is all it can be. Do you not see? The judgement of my peers would give me no peace and would only cause you pain. We are simply not meant to be.”

McCoy’s tremulous gaze showed his anguish.

“And they mean more to you than me? Is that it? No one can say what we get to be, Spock. I’m willing to give you my heart but I guess its up to you whether I have yours.”

Spock hesitated.

“I would trust you with my life and soul.”

“But not your heart?”

“Everyone tells us what we can be,” he answered evasively. “Everything keeps us apart.”

McCoy shook his head fiercely.

“No. Its up to you, and its up to me. You know I want you – I know you want me – so don’t keep saying our hands are tied.”

Spock’s gaze dropped to the doctor’s hands, held trembling at his sides.

“It is impossible.”

There was a tense silence before McCoy stormed to the door.

“Leonard.” Spock spoke automatically, without having anything to say yet unwilling to part on such bitter terms. McCoy stopped but seemed to understand that he had nothing more to offer.

“You’ll always be here in my heart,” he whispered then wavered before asking, “Will you at least say you love me? One time for me to remember.”

The silence stretched between them until McCoy could bear no more and left. Spock watched the door slide shut before murmuring,

“I love you Doctor.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song of the same name. When I wrote this I was thinking of the time before Spock went to Kolinahr.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [More Than The Stars May Be Rewritten](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17634848) by [StellarLibraryLady](https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady)




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